ANAWFOS gets annoyed with acronyms

I think I’ve gone on before about my old-fartiness and how I, at the tender age of 28, am prone to “Pff..Kids today!” style observations…at least in my head. Usually I have the good sense not to open this conservative aspect of my personality up to dialogue. It’s not even about stuff that’s really and truly bad like celebs who don’t wear underpants and therefore you can see their c-section scars…I mean, yeah, that’s grody but my bigger issue is technology. Back in the 90’s I would cringe when a commercial for a movie rental would say “Now available on VHS AND LASERDISC” because to me, LaserDisc represented something I did not have and would not ever have and I found anyone with a LaserDisc player to be a member of the elite society I would never be a part of. I was like a little activist against early technology adapters. This was also the era where I wore patchwork and turned my Salvation Army corduroys into bell bottoms. I have cleaned up my fashion but I still hate all the new options for watching movies. When it became “Now available on VHS and DVD”, I was still reluctant because I like to hear the tape zipping around the spools when I am kindly rewinding, thank you very much. I don’t trust shiny, prismatic discs any further than I can throw them like a frisbee and scratch them up, rendering them useless and unwatchable. Unlike my bulky but durable cassettes.

Now of course it’s all like “Now available on DVD and PSP”… or “DVD and BlueRay”…I don’t even know what BlueRay is. I did come around to the DVD thing, of course, although honestly I only bought a DVD player in 2006, for reals. But the other night something else caught my eye. I know most movies now have websites and I know that MySpace is being used more as a media outlet than a social networking site now, and I don’t really care. It’s kind of fun to claim “friendship” with a good band or a comedian you like, its a nice fan/artist reciprocity that keeps on giving. But during a commercial for the new Adam Brody vehicle In the Land of Women, there was a voiceover at the end of the spot that said “To find out more, visit myspace.com slash itlow“. Not “myspace.com/inthelandofwomen”, not that that would have been hard to remember, but ITLOW. Pronounced “it. low.”

Like…

Me: “Hey, Incredible Hulk! How’d your basement handle the storm we got this weekend, is the water level in your house really high?”

Hulk: “Eh. No, Hulk lucky. It low.”

This makes as much sense to me as Rachael Ray saying EVOO instead of Extra Virgin Olive Oil. You’re expending more energy on the acronym than you would just by saying the real deal thing you want to say. I’m fine with your movie opening up a MySpace account, and I’m sure an Adam Brody movie is definitely the right kind of film to warrant one, he is, or at least was, the king of what it means to be in high school in the early 2000’s. But seriously, sometimes a short cut isn’t worth it. It can’t be worth it. I’m more interested in making up more Hulkisms right now than I am about seeing the movie.

Me: “Yikes, diabetic Incredible Hulk, you look pale! What’s your blood sugar?”

Diabetic Incredible Hulk: “It low.”

Ford Canada, Eh?

We’ve gotten many an email from our neighbors to the North inquiring what the song for the Ford commercial with the lyrics, “It would be so easy to sing a song about you.”  The singer is the lovely and talented Ane Brun and the song is Song No. 6.

Here’s Ane’s website, her myspace, and her AOL music page where you can find links to download her songs.

Have a question about a song from your favorite commercials?  Send us an email at: andnowaword [at] gmail [dot] com.

Songs for Tuesday

A few songs for your pretty little faces.

The song from the Ford commercial with the opening lyrics, “I like to live on the edge” is called Miles and Miles by a band called Dee and was written to be the Ford Edge’s theme song.  You can download it from the Ford Edge website here.

A reader wrote to us asking for the title of the song in the new hipster-dancing iTunes commercial.  The song is Flathead by The Fratellis.  Download it here.

The song from the New JC Penney commercial that aired during the Oscars thats lyrics start with “I say and so say I” is called How Can It Be by Forever Thursday.  Download the song here.

And, in case there are any American Idol fans out there wondering what the song Chris Sligh sang on the show tonight was, it was Trouble by Ray Lamontagne and you can download it here.  Not a commercial, I realize, but I thought I’d throw that one in for good measure.

Email us if you need help finding a song from your favorite commercial.

Liz & Glennis

Let IT? Out

Kleenex, we need to talk.

I was, granted, confused by your “therapist on a couch in the middle of town” commercials for tissues but I accepted it.  I said to myself, “ok.  They’re reminding people it’s ok to cry.  Or…something” and I watched and I moved on.

And listen.  I understand that your new trademark is “Let It Out” but now you’ve got people sitting in public demonstrating how to blow your nose.  So if we’re following the progression of “letting things out” then naturally the next thing is… I mean I hate to go there but…

Jizz.

Right?

I mean it’s obvious we use you (your product) for that.  Why would you block out an entire market?  Why, I keep a neat little box with puppies burying bones (approps dontcha think?) aside my bed just for those special occasions.

That’s all I really have to say.  I just really want a commercial with some dude jerking it in the midst of people heading to work with someone telling him to “let it out.”   I think that would be tops.  If you read the “Let It Out” blog (what?  why.) and imagine they’re talking about spooge it’s pretty hilarious.

“We want you to let it out because we believe that keeping things bottled up inside does no good.”

Amen.

So, Kleenex, I enjoy your tissues and the sentiment but let’s take things to the 21st century and just lay our cards on the table: you guys make a sturdy baby-juice catcher.  Stand proud!

(I also use your product when I cry after sex.)

Sincerely,

Glennis

Match.com Knows What Women Want

He’ll do.  (Me?) 

We’ve all seen the ads for eHarmony.com that feature “happy couples” talking about the 29 personal dimensions they perfectly matched up on.  I’ve never personally signed up for eHarmony, as I enjoy being a lonely old curmudgeon, but I’m guessing those points don’t include “do you enjoy being tied up while watching your lover spoon feed a baby pig in curlers.”  If sex is an integral part of any relationship why would you base your honey-search on 29 points that might be, oh I don’t know, “when doing laundry with your loved one would you prefer to load the washer or fold once the load is done.”  I’d prefer to do it on the washer during the spin-cycle, thank you very much.

This all leads me to an ad I found on YouTube today when I was searching for a different Match.com ad.  I’m sure this ad never aired in the US and not only because the tag at the end is in French.  I mean, we are just now comfortable with watching a pregnancy test being drenched in fake pee pee.

Match.com knows what women want. BONERS!

Should you ever be “late”, this is the funniest stick to pee on

While watching Gilmore Girls tonight (well, more like right now - I might as well be “live-blogging”, you know, being lame enough to have at least two monitors of some kind up and running in front of you, half-watching one while incomprehensibly typing irrelevent opinions into another but being as up-to-the-minute as possible so you seem topical) there was a hilarious commercial for Clear Blue Easy. (yes, that’s the link). Looking like one of those ridiculous Mach 95 men’s razor type commercials where the razor emerges from shadowy darkness to float in anti-gravity while the camera seductively gives it a once-over. The Clear Blue stick appears from the dark depths while a voiceover lauds its technological advances. And then…..whisssshhhhhhhhh……a stream of pee-substitute sprays onto it and the VO says it’s “the most sophisticated piece of technology…you will ever pee on”.

I think the version I saw differs slightly from the one I linked, but I’d just like to thank the Clear Blue people for making a worrisome, messy situation fun! If it weren’t for the fact that men would probably be creeped out by prego test during football, this would be a perfect, much-talked-about Superbowl Ad.

Also, on Gilmore Girls, Luke got his daughter a rock polisher for Christmas. How difficult it was to have such bittersweet memories of my own childhood reflected on primetime television. How I loved to run that polisher in the basement, my entire being yearning for the bounty found in my driveway and beyond to gain a newfound smoothness. I’m glad the WB has not overlooked the nerdy, middle school girl demographic, and chose to exalt rather than poke fun of her. Some of us preferred The Nature Company and The Discovery Channel Store at the mall to Claire’s and The Limited Too, and Gilmore makes me feel ok to embrace my true identity. It’s over now, my live-blogging is over. Scenes from the next are on now! Wow, I hope Lorelai gets back with Luke, he’s so sweet this season and Christopher can seriously eat a Clear Blue Easy stick.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are totes my bff

 I don’t know about you all, but I keep my jewels safe in a little nook inside a floor tile beneath my toilet. But some people…it’s like they’re asking for their ice to be stolen.

“I just love having houseguests. If you need anything, just ask! Fresh towels are in the bathroom on the hook.”

 ”Great thanks, I might just hop in the shower right now. Oh, hey um….I don’t see any towels in here, just…all…of…your…diamonds.”

 ”Oh! Duhhh! Towel rack, diamond rack, I never remember what goes where anymore! Those are just my right-hand rings. They empower me as a single woman. Anyway, I think I don’t have any more towels since I spent all my money on diamonds because I’m unmarried and unsure that I’ll ever get a man to buy me one. So you can wipe yourself off with this garbage bag. Also, the hot water nozzle is cold and the cold one is hot, so test the water before you get in!”

Best friends forever!

Fly Me Away is right on Target

I was watching my usual NBC Must See TV lineup last night and saw the Target holiday ad about 7 times. The song in the Target commercial is glittery UK duo Goldfrapp’s “Fly Me Away“. It’s whimsical and pretty and it works well with the rest of the ad’s lovely, white “Snow Princess meets Bullseye” look. I also can’t help but think of the Thompson Twins’ song “If You Were Here”, the  breathy singing and starry, Tinkerbell qualities are shared by both. You know the song I mean- it’s the one that plays while Molly Ringwald’s geeky, gawky Sam sits atop a glass dining room table with her hunk of a senior crush, Jake Ryan, at the end of Sixteen Candles. First of all, how you can sit without worry on top of a sheet of glass is beyond me. My mind’s eye can’t help but see the smashed, broken and bloody shards that would result after two adults climbed up there. BUT that’s just the worrywart in me that presides over everything I do. I’m sure John Hughes found a very stiff glass to work with.  It didn’t distract me from the plot in the slightest. Not. At. All.

The second tangent I’m going on with this is that Goldfrapp makes me hungry because in Massachusetts we call milkshakes “frappes”. It’s just another one of those regional adorabilities that separates the hoagies from the subs. The pop from the cola. The sprinkles from the jimmies.  A Gold Frappe would just be a really fancy, icy cold treat. And of course a White Gold Frappe would be vanilla flavored. And in case you ever meet a Masshole who is thirsty from having too many heavy frappes, please point us to the nearest bubbler. That’s drinking fountain to you Muggles. For more information about regional dialects, click here. See? We inform you about lots of real issues here at ANAWFOS, America is a melting pot of both commercials AND cultures and we seek diversity and tolerance among them both. I still totally hate that Dunkin’ Donuts “Karateeee” commercial though.

The Future Dave Matthews listenin’-hacky sackin’-white-hat-wearin’ Place

I’m not sure who would let their seven-year-old dress like this, or what social factors have influenced these looks more. Is it the Chad Michael Murray/Matt Czuchry/blond guys on the WB look? Or perhaps they are depicting the Duke lacrosse team as children? No matter, all I know is that I would never let my son out of the house looking like he was influenced by a young James Spader. What happened to the Children’s Place I used to love, the place with carpeted blocks to climb on and a big hole in the front wall of the store that you could play in? These kids look like they would stub out their cigarettes on those before taking off in the Jeep.

This one page image is actually part of a two-page spread - the boys are actually eyeing a group of young girls, but it was too creepy (and there was no space on my scanner) to include both pages. What is wrong with depicting kids in footie pajamas and reindeer sweaters? Am I that big of a curmudgeon that this seems inappropriate? It’s probably just the picture. In my photography class in college, we learned that the slightest movement or change in shutter speed could turn a crappy photo into a Pulitzer-winning one. Perhaps the previous photos had an emotional deadness to them that a change in F-stop was able to render with a bit more smarm and privilege and none of the childlike qualities that children should have. Even in Pretty in Pink, Steff looked like he was 45, so these kids just look ridiculous. Sadly, even though they look just like him, I bet these kids have never even heard of James Spader. Maybe that’s my real problem.

They must be big in Germany. France. Japan?

 Let’s take a closer look at this Jeep ad.

What adventurer with attitude wouldn’t want all that stuff? I know that if I was not so urbane and public transportationy, I would want it. I would plug my ipod in and stream some KEXP on a drive down to Austin and crank my speakers up so all my indie-credulous sharers of the road would know that I love music and my car proves it.  I would not, however, tout the fact that I and my Jeep went to this many G. Love shows.  At the “Head-Bangers Ball” no less.

 

Being an adventurer though, I bet I probably moshed the shit out of them.

Maybe this Jeep owner is Special Sauce’s mom.