Depression Special

My new least favorite ad on tv also happens to be from my least favorite store.

Here we go: picture this: ok: ready:

A boy, probably around 12, Caucasian, brown hair (is that important?) sits in a classroom.  Everyone in the class is taking a test so it’s very quiet.  The boy, I imagine his name is Berto, whispers to the girl next to him… “pssst!”

I think, Ooooh I bet he is going to ask her out.

Berto: “Do you have a piece of paper I can borrow?”

Paper?  Laaaaame.  Ask her out!

Girl gives him some paper.  Oh young kids… they really have no clue.  She really thinks he wants paper. 

Berto sits for a second, his brow furrows. 

Maybe he’s getting his balls back.

Berto (whispers): Do you have a pencil?

Girl gives Berto a pencil.  Berto!  Come on dude!  Berto sits there another second, then looks at the girl once more.

Berto: Protractor?

Did he mean to say PROCREATE?

The girl has had enough!  She rolls her eyes at Berto. 

Berto then sits there, looking just as sad and rejected, turns to his right and asks the boy next to him if he can borrow his jacket.

Wait, I think, no paper, pencil, protractor OR Jacket?  This poor kid is a street urchin!

Then the product tag comes on for Kmart’s back to school shopping.

Back to SCHOOL SHOPPING?!?  Poor Berto is homeless and you’re telling us about back to school shopping?  Berto probably needs some food!  And maybe a warm, warm blanket to huddle under while his mom is out skankin it up instead of taking care of her son.  And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, DAD.  If we can call you that?  Why do you think mom is out there ho-in around??  Because of you!  And even before that, I’m sure you learned this behavior from your father, and his father before that.  And so on, and so on!  And so our poor Berto’s son, Greg, will be in the same situation!  And look out because Greg also has a penchant for harming animals.

How dare you perpetuate this kind of behavior, Kmart.  Boooo!