Match.com Knows What Women Want

He’ll do.  (Me?) 

We’ve all seen the ads for eHarmony.com that feature “happy couples” talking about the 29 personal dimensions they perfectly matched up on.  I’ve never personally signed up for eHarmony, as I enjoy being a lonely old curmudgeon, but I’m guessing those points don’t include “do you enjoy being tied up while watching your lover spoon feed a baby pig in curlers.”  If sex is an integral part of any relationship why would you base your honey-search on 29 points that might be, oh I don’t know, “when doing laundry with your loved one would you prefer to load the washer or fold once the load is done.”  I’d prefer to do it on the washer during the spin-cycle, thank you very much.

This all leads me to an ad I found on YouTube today when I was searching for a different Match.com ad.  I’m sure this ad never aired in the US and not only because the tag at the end is in French.  I mean, we are just now comfortable with watching a pregnancy test being drenched in fake pee pee.

Match.com knows what women want. BONERS!

Should you ever be “late”, this is the funniest stick to pee on

While watching Gilmore Girls tonight (well, more like right now – I might as well be “live-blogging”, you know, being lame enough to have at least two monitors of some kind up and running in front of you, half-watching one while incomprehensibly typing irrelevent opinions into another but being as up-to-the-minute as possible so you seem topical) there was a hilarious commercial for Clear Blue Easy. (yes, that’s the link). Looking like one of those ridiculous Mach 95 men’s razor type commercials where the razor emerges from shadowy darkness to float in anti-gravity while the camera seductively gives it a once-over. The Clear Blue stick appears from the dark depths while a voiceover lauds its technological advances. And then…..whisssshhhhhhhhh……a stream of pee-substitute sprays onto it and the VO says it’s “the most sophisticated piece of technology…you will ever pee on”.

I think the version I saw differs slightly from the one I linked, but I’d just like to thank the Clear Blue people for making a worrisome, messy situation fun! If it weren’t for the fact that men would probably be creeped out by prego test during football, this would be a perfect, much-talked-about Superbowl Ad.

Also, on Gilmore Girls, Luke got his daughter a rock polisher for Christmas. How difficult it was to have such bittersweet memories of my own childhood reflected on primetime television. How I loved to run that polisher in the basement, my entire being yearning for the bounty found in my driveway and beyond to gain a newfound smoothness. I’m glad the WB has not overlooked the nerdy, middle school girl demographic, and chose to exalt rather than poke fun of her. Some of us preferred The Nature Company and The Discovery Channel Store at the mall to Claire’s and The Limited Too, and Gilmore makes me feel ok to embrace my true identity. It’s over now, my live-blogging is over. Scenes from the next are on now! Wow, I hope Lorelai gets back with Luke, he’s so sweet this season and Christopher can seriously eat a Clear Blue Easy stick.