Ford Canada, Eh?

We’ve gotten many an email from our neighbors to the North inquiring what the song for the Ford commercial with the lyrics, “It would be so easy to sing a song about you.”  The singer is the lovely and talented Ane Brun and the song is Song No. 6.

Here’s Ane’s website, her myspace, and her AOL music page where you can find links to download her songs.

Have a question about a song from your favorite commercials?  Send us an email at: andnowaword [at] gmail [dot] com.

Match.com Knows What Women Want

He’ll do.  (Me?) 

We’ve all seen the ads for eHarmony.com that feature “happy couples” talking about the 29 personal dimensions they perfectly matched up on.  I’ve never personally signed up for eHarmony, as I enjoy being a lonely old curmudgeon, but I’m guessing those points don’t include “do you enjoy being tied up while watching your lover spoon feed a baby pig in curlers.”  If sex is an integral part of any relationship why would you base your honey-search on 29 points that might be, oh I don’t know, “when doing laundry with your loved one would you prefer to load the washer or fold once the load is done.”  I’d prefer to do it on the washer during the spin-cycle, thank you very much.

This all leads me to an ad I found on YouTube today when I was searching for a different Match.com ad.  I’m sure this ad never aired in the US and not only because the tag at the end is in French.  I mean, we are just now comfortable with watching a pregnancy test being drenched in fake pee pee.

Match.com knows what women want. BONERS!

Should you ever be “late”, this is the funniest stick to pee on

While watching Gilmore Girls tonight (well, more like right now – I might as well be “live-blogging”, you know, being lame enough to have at least two monitors of some kind up and running in front of you, half-watching one while incomprehensibly typing irrelevent opinions into another but being as up-to-the-minute as possible so you seem topical) there was a hilarious commercial for Clear Blue Easy. (yes, that’s the link). Looking like one of those ridiculous Mach 95 men’s razor type commercials where the razor emerges from shadowy darkness to float in anti-gravity while the camera seductively gives it a once-over. The Clear Blue stick appears from the dark depths while a voiceover lauds its technological advances. And then…..whisssshhhhhhhhh……a stream of pee-substitute sprays onto it and the VO says it’s “the most sophisticated piece of technology…you will ever pee on”.

I think the version I saw differs slightly from the one I linked, but I’d just like to thank the Clear Blue people for making a worrisome, messy situation fun! If it weren’t for the fact that men would probably be creeped out by prego test during football, this would be a perfect, much-talked-about Superbowl Ad.

Also, on Gilmore Girls, Luke got his daughter a rock polisher for Christmas. How difficult it was to have such bittersweet memories of my own childhood reflected on primetime television. How I loved to run that polisher in the basement, my entire being yearning for the bounty found in my driveway and beyond to gain a newfound smoothness. I’m glad the WB has not overlooked the nerdy, middle school girl demographic, and chose to exalt rather than poke fun of her. Some of us preferred The Nature Company and The Discovery Channel Store at the mall to Claire’s and The Limited Too, and Gilmore makes me feel ok to embrace my true identity. It’s over now, my live-blogging is over. Scenes from the next are on now! Wow, I hope Lorelai gets back with Luke, he’s so sweet this season and Christopher can seriously eat a Clear Blue Easy stick.

Shhh…The Audience is Listening.

We here at ANAWFOS are big music lovers. We know this can sometimes make people music snobs, but that’s totally not us. Well, it’s not Glennis anyway. I have been known to weep openly while watching MTV or listening to sad examples of the state of current pop, but my heart is not stone. I can occasionally be swept off my feet by a great who-is-that-artist?? new song.  Chances are my new discovery will be overshadowed by the fact that the song has already been turned into a commercial for the new ipod Nano and I will be rendered once again hopelessly behind the times, but the commercialism of it all will not make me turn on it. The new song in question on said Nano commercial that has stolen my heart is Cut Chemist’s “The Audience is Listening Theme Song” off the oddly apostrophe’d album The Audience’s Listening. If I were this song’s teacher, it would be a delight to have in class.

True Romance

Living in a city as big as NY with millions of people, you begin to realize just how isolated you are.  We’re all floating on an island in the dark bumping into each other looking for a connection to validate our lives, make us feel special, loved… something.

This has been especially true for me lately as I just changed my status from “taken” to “single.”  No matter how much I try to tell myself I don’t need someone, that I’m a strong independent woman, that nagging emptiness is there.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I’ve finally found someone!  I hate to rush into things, but I really think he might be the one!  From the moment I met him I can’t stop thinking about him, and every time he’s around I just melt!  He’s adorable, articulate, kind of famous… oh and the best part; he’s got a British Accent!  SWOOON.

Who is this mystery man?

“Oh, Hello” yourself, talking Gecko.

I know, I know.  It’s crazy.  But I simply can’t help but imagine him as a full-sized creature ready to sweep me off my lonely feet!

Winter’s coming up and I’ve already planned a trip for us to Colorado to see my family.  We’d, of course, have to spend a day skiing and building an adorable snowman!

And I’ve always wanted to go somewhere in Europe.  Italy!  We’d totes go to Italy.  It’s SOOO romantic.

My friend Sherry is getting married in Hawaii, so of course we’d have to attend the wedding and sneak into all the photos.

But we wouldn’t only travel.  We’d do normal stuff, too.  Like watch a baby play golf.  Adorable!

What a great boyfriend!

I can’t wait to get married and have adorable little Gecko-human babies!

And of course we’d have our little one pose in Anne Geddes photo shoots!

Thanks for all your support on my decision to date a Gecko, everyone.  I’m really the happiest girl alive!

Love,

Glennis

Biting the Magic Bullet

I favor strict gun control laws. I saw Crash, so I know anything can happen when foreign people, bad cops and Sandra Bullock get near firearms.  But I am pro-bullets. MAGIC Bullets. The infomercial for this blender-to-end-all-blenders is an hour-long slice of heaven. When will the Emmy committee recognize that some of the best writing for television is not on prime time, its on like, the Discovery Home Channel at like, 7:30am.

I grew up on Ron Popeil, a man who is oft overlooked when people need a tan-person reference. When did George Hamilton become the end-all tan-all to this discussion? Popeil positively glows like he might himself spend time in one of the rotisserie ovens he hawks to incredulous sweater-wearing middle-Americans. And thus, with Ron, began my life of infomercial addiction. I have loved every minute spent with Susan Powter and her crusade to stop insanity caused by eating butter (you could eat ONE TABLESPOON of butter, or for the same amount of fat, 200 potatoes! YOUR choice, Oinkadoink!), Amazing Discoveries, Tony Little, I could go on and on. I also love those not-quite-infomercials for Oxi-Clean. (Which is a product that I really, truly do endorse – it has saved many a white shirt. It’s like, exactly what you think would happen if an angel pissed on your whites.) Those ones are too long to be commercials but too short to be real programming. It’s like 4 minutes of drab, yellowed “befores” and the white, bright “afters” that occur when you apply this stuff to your clothes. I especially love seeing half a lace curtain dipped in a bucket and comparing the clean bottom half to the iodine-and-blood-covered top half. Which brings me to “Who gets iodine on their clothes?”. Unless you are a scientist, where is the iodine coming from? Lets get real, tell me how to get skidmarks off my undies and sex juice off my sheets but don’t tell us non-nerds how to remove iodine, isn’t that shit poison?

My most favoritest of all infomercials is the Magic Bullet, though Oxi-Clean which runs a close second. It is a complete 21-piece kitchen set which, if you call in the span of a perpetual, never-ending next 10 minutes, will magically bulletify into TWO 21-piece sets that can quickly turn an ordinary evening into an extraordinary one in mere seconds. I can chop and onion in three seconds with this shit! Make a berry smoothie in SEVEN mother-effing seconds! I am not lying! All for $99.99 plus $39.98 S/H.

There is no question, the Magic Bullet makes everything. And fast. Slow cooking is for assholes, we learn from the two most excited humans ever to make chicken salad and “frozen coffee drinks”,  she with a flippy hairstyle, he with a “British” accent reminiscent of hairstylist Nick Arrojo of TLC’s What Not To Wear (I watch more TV than most people, I understand that). Buy the Bullet and you can make your dinner, eat it, make yourself a frozen drink, drink it, get a freeze headache, watch TV on DVR with commercials fast forwarded, have sex with your wife and get a full night’s sleep in 14 minutes. This thing is like the Lance Armstrong of kitchen widgets – accelerated, above average performance and you will have a ball.

I am known to do things expediently, which is why I love the idea of this device. Even the included recipes bespeak an urgency when cooking; Before You Know It Bean Dip, Brisk Broccoli Soup, It’s Ready Already Alfredo. How did it get ready already? I didnt even do anything! If the Magic Bullet existed in the 1600s I would be burned at the stake for witchery, it’s just not logical to mere mortals who cook using crazy things like fire and knives. Of course I don’t actually own a Magic Bullet. But if anyone wants to go in on the two-fer with me,I am so down. It would even out to $69.99 for one of us and $69.98 for me. Who wants it?